After running into way too many penguins, who obviously don’t know how traffic works at the North Pole, you make it to the studio. A bit late to the show, you and dAnkan rush backstage by showing your poorly hand drawn passes to the guards. Not long after the spotlights turn on, lighting up each candidate on stage, but also the moderator. As it turns on you notice that the moderator, who has been Mrs. Claus for as long as you can remember, is now a fully computerized Moderator-3000-v.2.4.
“Uhm, what the Qu*ck is this Qu*cks?!” dAnkan yells. “Where’s Mrs. Claus? She always asks Santa the best questions!?”
Before dAnkan can continue the tirade of yelling straight in your ear, the Moderator-3000-v.2.4 starts the debate with a sound you can only describe as the sound your old croaky friend Fredrik makes about every three months.
“Beep Boop Boop Boop, if you could describe yourself in one word, what word would that be?” the Moderator-3000-v.2.4 starts off by asking Rudolf.
“*Reindeer Noise*” Rudolf bellows out, followed quickly by more reindeer noises from certain parts of the crowd together with hooves hitting the ground at a rapid pace.
“Boop Boop Beep, with global warming being such a hot topic, how do you suggest we start tackling this problem?” the Moderator-3000-v.2.4 continues by asking Gävlebocken.
“The answer lies in the name. It’s global WARMING, and what is warm, well fire of course. The only solution is better fire safety and regulations” Gävlebocken says while frantically looking around the room for potential Volvos or mysterious german-speaking men.
“Beep Boop Beep Boop, if there is one thing you can change about our wonderful North Pole, what would that be?” the Moderator-3000-v.2.4 asks Frostbyte.
“Oh, that’s an easy one Mr. Moderator-3000-v.2.4 ma’am. No one really likes the cold, so having summer all year round will boost the morale of all North Pole residents. And as an extra, the property prices will increase for our benefit. All we need to sell beach houses at that point is a beach!” Frostbyte answers while sipping on a Piña Colada.
“Beep Boop Beep, now that you have departed from your club of penguins, how will you take that experience into your political stance?” the Moderator-3000-v.2.4 follows up by asking Captain Ada Seafoss.
“With wood, hooks and cloth I will turn our present making process into its next chapter by open sourcing the creation process. I always ‘C’ our children with great joy, as they ‘R’ our future.” Ada answers with a crispy voice.
“Boop?” the Moderator-3000-v.2.4 asks in a highly compressed manner.
“That’s right! I’ll make it better!” XR0304B almost manages to answer before the studio is filled with the sound of cheers and applause. You look around and notice that the noise is more than the audience should be able to accomplish, suspecting that there might be speakers hidden somewhere.
“Beep, you have ruled over the North Pole for a long time Santa, but do you listen to your populace? What is the message I’ve been trying to tell you?” Moderator-3000-v.2.4 asks the final candidate in a slightly menacing voice.
“Objection your…moderator? This is not a fair question to…” dAnkan objects before being wrestled down by security. Before being dragged completely out of the studio, dAnkan manages to throw you an earpiece through which you can communicate with Santa. “Uh, ehh… Well – ho ho ho –, of course I listen! I hear all the wishes of all the children all around the world! You were saying…”
You think through the debate as it has elapsed, going over it all again. As the seconds pass by, you hear the audience grow restless and shout insults without remorse, and the stress of Santa’s political campaign makes you nervous, and you don’t work well when you’re nervous. But you take a breath, and try to figure it out.